Who’s Really Holding the Leash?
It’s been over a year since our mini Golden-doodle, Teddy, came into our lives and completely took over our hearts. He’s the joy of our two boys and, without much effort, became our very hairy fluffy child. We adore him.
What I didn’t expect was how much he would teach me.
Loving Teddy has been easy. Integrating him into our family has been the real work. The kind of work that quietly (and sometimes loudly) shows you where you still need to grow.
About six months ago, we started working with a trainer to address some of Teddy’s challenges. It didn’t take long for something important to land with me. Teddy wasn’t the one who needed the most training – we were.
Walks were the hardest. Other dogs were a big trigger for him. When I’d spot one coming, I would instantly feel my body tense, panic, and I’d quickly cross the street. Teddy would feel all of it and explode into barking, lunging, and total overwhelm on the leash.
With guidance and practice, it finally clicked: my panic was leading our walks. My nervous system was sounding the alarm before anything had actually happened. Teddy wasn’t being difficult. He was looking to me for leadership, reassurance, and direction, and I couldn’t offer that when I was dysregulated myself.
This lesson shows up constantly in my life and my work with clients. It shows up in our parenting, in relationships, in work stress, and old emotional patterns. Regulation starts with us. When we react from fear, others feel it. When we slow down and respond with intention, things shift.
Teddy is still learning and so am I. We’re far from perfect, but with time, patience, and practice, we’ve improved a ton.
In my seven years of experience as a coach, I’ve learned that growth isn’t about getting it right. It’s about gaining awareness, being willing to look inward (especially when it’s uncomfortable), practicing self-compassion, and to keep moving forward with intention.
As the old adage goes, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. In this case, my teacher just happened to be a cute, short-legged, quiet type!
