Who’s Really Holding the Leash?

It’s been over a year since our mini golden-doodle, Teddy, came into our lives and completely took over our hearts. He’s the joy of our two boys and, without much effort, became our very hairy third child. We adore him.

What I didn’t expect was how much he would teach me.

Loving Teddy has been easy. Integrating him into our family has been the real work. The kind of work that quietly (and sometimes loudly) shows you where you still need to grow.

About six months ago, we started working with a trainer to address some of Teddy’s challenges. It didn’t take long for something important to land with me: Teddy wasn’t the one who needed the most training – we were.

Walks were the hardest because other dogs were a big trigger for him. When I’d spot one coming, I would instantly feel my body tense, panic, and I’d rush across the street. Teddy felt all of it. He would explode into barking, lunging, and total overwhelm on the leash.

With more guidance and practice I started to see it clearly: my panic was leading our walks. My nervous system was sounding the alarm before anything had actually happened. Teddy wasn’t being difficult. He was looking to me for leadership, reassurance, and direction, and I couldn’t offer that when I was dysregulated myself.

This is a lesson I see over and over again — in my own life and in the lives of my clients. In parenting, relationships, work, and the patterns we fall back into when we’re overwhelmed. When we react from fear or anxiety, it doesn’t stay contained within us — it’s felt by the people around us. But when we slow down, regulate, and respond with intention, something shifts.

Practicing self-regulation is what allows us to access clarity, intuition, and grounded decision-making — not just in ideal conditions, but in the moments that actually matter.

Over the past seven years as a coach, I’ve come to understand that growth isn’t just about doing more or pushing forward.

It’s about turning inward with intention and curiosity.
Becoming aware of your patterns.
Practicing new ways of thinking, feeling, and being.
And choosing — again and again — how you show up.

As the saying goes, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. In this case, my teacher just happened to be a cute, four-legged, furry one!